miritsu (miritsu) wrote,
miritsu
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Movie review: New York, I Love You

An American version of Paris, Je T'aime, New York, I Love You is a series of sketches starring thirteen different couples in love or getting there in New York. As Paris, Je T'aime was quite good, a mix of talent and styles, I looked forward to seeing what some of Hollywood's best talent could do with the idea.

Turns out, they bombed. If you really liked this movie, I suggest stopping here, because my review is very negative.

NYILY vacillates between vulgar and dull.  We’re treated to the stories of several couples falling in love, and yet none of the characters were likable or even able to hold my attention.  Constant talk of sex and scenes of sex wound up disgusting and vulgar, not because they were about sex, but because of bad writing and a painful lack of chemistry between various actors.

For example, early in the movie, Natalie Portman has a moment with an older man of a different religion.  Later on, a rather silly man hits on a woman who turns out to be a hooker by talking about all the things he can do to her G-spot.  In the first case, I was supposed to be touched; in the second, I should have been amused.  Instead, in both cases, I was left feeling uneasy and vaguely repulsed.  Both men came off like stalkers, like threatening, dirty men who made me want to yell for the women to run away as fast as they could.  In other sketches where couples had sex, the sex was universally painful to watch, whether the director was going for comedy or romance or passion. 

In sketches without sex, such as Orlando Bloom and Christina Ricci falling in love over the phone, I was so bored by the lack of chemistry and flat characters that I can't remember a thing anyone said.  It was like I had to be grossed out or nothing.  What the heck went wrong?

I like Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, and Shia LaBouf, so as a fan, I enjoyed watching them all take on cute accents as part of their roles.  That’s about the only good thing I could find here, and it obviously wouldn’t be positive for anyone who doesn’t like them, so I’m not sure if I should count it as a plus for the movie as a whole.

To sum up: The skits that didn’t leave me thinking, “Ew” mostly left me with a mix of, “What?” and  “So what?”  It’s a move that fails on just about every level.  What a sad waste of talent.

Tags: movie review, reviews
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